i feel like a freshman all over again.

i don't know where i'm living this coming year, but more importantly, i don't know what i want to major in anymore.

i've been committed to film for the past six months. i took the first prerequisite and i'm signed up for the second. i love watching movies and analyzing them. i've enjoyed the sets i've worked on. but i've never felt completely right about it, and now more than ever i'm doubting my decision. i don't know what i'd do within film. i feel too inadequate to get into the program. and i want to study something that could at least vaguely apply to bettering me as a mother. yes, i'm kind of a feminist and i don't plan on being a stay-at-home mom (but honestly--i think it's the most important job everrrr), but i think that film might take away from my motherhoodness. i do feel that i learn a lot from film, but i'm not sure how to share that knowledge with others. also, i've been thinking i want to do something with travel where i can live in other countries for periods of time, but i don't know what jobs i could find that i like to do and would include this. ugh. i'm once again considering: political science, geography, and psychology. i also want to look into education (even though, i really don't see myself as a teacher), anthropology, international relations, and philosophy.

now i'm not completely giving film up. i will at least minor in it, and i'm still applying to the major. we'll see how things go...

on a semi-different note. i went to a concert saturday. it was fabulous. i <3 kill paradise and music in general. i wish i was talented in some musical aspect because i would so major in music. it's really important to me, especially spiritually. which reminds me of my excellent institute lesson where we discussed the period of time right before Christ went to the garden of gethsemane when the him and the apostles sang. we considered hymns of our day that might've been sung at that time if they were around in His day. i chose "be still my soul" because of it's message of hope and spiritual memories i have with it. here are the words:

1. Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;
With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In ev'ry change he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav'nly Friend
Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

2. Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as he has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.

3. Be still, my soul: The hour is hast'ning on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.